I'll Laugh My Whole Way Through the Hurricanes and Fire - The Last Words of Severus Snape

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The Last Words of Severus Snape

Feb. 4th, 2005 at 11:53 AM

This is humorous, tongue in cheek, and not meant to be taken seriously at all. These are letters to be distributed should Severus Snape be lost in the war.

Dear Mr Potter,

No, I never liked you. No I was not difficult on you to ‘make you strong’ no matter what the Headmaster told you. I hated you and I hate your father. I hope you rot in hell.

****

Dear Ms Granger,

You are an insufferable know-it-all. No, that isn’t an appealing trait. None of the professors liked you. We all secretly hoped you’d fail so you would be knocked down off of your intellectual high horse. I hope you fail out of school.

****

Dear Mr Weasley,

Castrate yourself. Immediately.

****

Dear Headmaster,

I never liked your damn tea or your damn candy. You’d better win this damn war.

****

Dear Lupin,

I know you wanted me. As if I’d ever touch something that was that close to Black.

PS. I’ll tell him you say hello.

****

Dear Lucius,

I faked it every time. I also slept with your wife. She’s a hell of a lot better in bed than you.

PS. Tell her I said hello.

****

Dear Draco,

You’re a miserable waste of space and have no talent whatsoever. I only passed you because of your parents. Your mother’s a demon in the sheets.

PS. Tell her I say hello.

***

Dear Voldemort,

Ha. Ha. Ha. Fooled you, didn’t I?

PS. Tell Narcissa Malfoy I say hello.

****

Dear Narcissa,

Your husband’s horrible in bed. I don’t remember what I did with those naked pictures of you, so I suggest donating a large sum of money to the Prophet to be safe.

PS. Hello.

Mood: accomplished

Comments

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ex_mikazuki336 wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:01 pm (UTC)

Dear Mr Weasley,

Castrate yourself. Immediately.

That is fantastic. *evil laughter*

Thanks for this. >D

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)

Thank you! You're more than welcome.

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taradilien wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:02 pm (UTC)

I like. You have totally brightened my day. Thank you.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)

I'm really glad that I could that, thank you.

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hilarita wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC)

Bwa-ha-ha-ha.

Excellent. I love the letter to Draco. They'll be taking him to St Mungo's.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)

Thank you! I'm glad you got a kick out of it.

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shezan wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)

*Loves this Snape to bits.*

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)

:) Thank you!

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violet_quill wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC)

HAHAHAHA. Awesome.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! It started off as a little joke with my housemate and girlfriend, and the grew.

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dorotea wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)

:)) I so loved these! Very, very funny!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)

Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed!

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ophidiae wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:21 pm (UTC)

::dies laughing::

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)

::Revives you::

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ellid wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Brilliant!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)

Thank you! :-D

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mucada wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:44 pm (UTC)

I faked it every time. I also slept with your wife. She’s a hell of a lot better in bed than you.

Ah, brilliance! :) *again, bows to you*

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC)

Thanks, I'm sop glad you enjoyed it! That one's my favorite, too.

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meridian_star wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:55 pm (UTC)

*fails helplessly on the floor overcome with laughter*

OMG so BRILLIANT!!!! <333

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)

*helps you up*

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed them!

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cantabile wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)

These are great. Just how Sev probably would leave letters. Whoever made the icon is very clever too.

Hooray for Severus Snape!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)

Thank you! For the compliments on both the fic and the icon. :-)

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dementedsiren wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 08:59 pm (UTC)

Classic. Absolutely classic.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Castrate yourself. Immediately.

*falls over laughing*

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 09:01 pm (UTC)

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)

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xochiquetzl wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)

Dear Lucius,

I faked it every time. I also slept with your wife. She’s a hell of a lot better in bed than you.

PS. Tell her I said hello.

LOL!!!!!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)

:-D I'm glad you liked it!

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samson28 wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)

Dear Draco,

You’re a miserable waste of space and have no talent whatsoever. I only passed you because of your parents. Your mother’s a demon in the sheets.

You had me cackling!! Ever so amusing, you have a wicked brain. *g*

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)

Thank you! I'm glad I could make you laugh, it's what I was hoping to do.

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tiferet wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)

Damn you. I have a horrible sore throat and I can't stop laughing.

Much love,
Azalais :)

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC)

I'm sorry! But I'm glad you enjoyed. :-)

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the_rocklobster wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 10:49 pm (UTC)

hehehe! Good job, Fey!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC)

Thank you!

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subtle_science wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 10:54 pm (UTC)

Dear Voldemort,

Ha. Ha. Ha. Fooled you, didn’t I?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC)

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!

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mchoneygoose wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)

*grin* Love em!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:34 am (UTC)

Thank you!

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demeter918 wrote:

Feb. 4th, 2005 11:52 pm (UTC)

XDXDXD Not tortured, angsty Snape at all. Love how he disembowels everyone, including Narcissa.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:35 am (UTC)

Thank you!

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lennaofmidearth wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 12:02 am (UTC)

It's great to see this type of humor from you. It's been a while ;)

Needless to say, I of course loved it.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:35 am (UTC)

It's been a while since I've been in any mood to write it. I blame Kingdom Hospital and the mad infusion of dark and dry humour I watched last night.

I'm glad!

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shagsthedustmop wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 12:31 am (UTC)

Hilarious :)

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC)

Thank you!

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elfflame wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:23 am (UTC)

That was delicious. I needed that. :D

I want to pick one out in particular, but the all stand out so well, I just can't choose. I do love the "Tell her I say hello" thread, though.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC)

I'm glad! I just wanted to make people smile a bit.

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shoeless_girl wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 03:03 am (UTC)

Mwah ha ha!
Great job Fey.
Love the Weasley and Voldemort ones most!

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 04:01 am (UTC)

Thank you! I'm glad you liked them. :-D

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bentley wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 03:43 am (UTC)

PS. Hello.

AHAHAHAHA.

That absolutely made my day. *snerk* Brilliant.

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)

Yay! I'm glad I was able to. :-D

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bludrummergrl wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 05:27 am (UTC)

*Laughs*

Oh these were great! <3

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theladyfeylene wrote:

Feb. 5th, 2005 06:00 am (UTC)

Thank you!

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