I'll Laugh My Whole Way Through the Hurricanes and Fire

GOOD NEWS!

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:12:04 GMT

I HAVE A MODELING GIG!

This week I will be meeting with one of the local college art professors to set up posing as a model for their class!

It's 30 dollars a session, roughly a two week gig. And yes, it's that sort of college art class, but I am perfectly a-okay with that. We've been chatting through e-mail about it, and Professor Cohen is very easy to work with and apparently a really good professor.

I also have a house-keeping gig. ;) While I may not be rolling in the dough, it looks like I'll at least be able to scrape rent together!

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES!

Reconnecting and Love For My Flist!

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:49:01 GMT

There are so, so many awesome and amazing people on my Flist that I've sort of...just drifted away from. And I feel badly for that. I love my Flist. I love all you awesome, crazy people I've met through the wonderful world of the internet. My life would be nowhere near as rich and as fun and full of insanity as it has been if not for you. :D I hate being all general and whatnot with this, but that's really the only way I can do it. And I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for being there and brightening this little corner of fandom and the world wide web. :D

And I think I want to try reconnecting with people. I just really don't know how to do this. Is it going to be weird if I just pop up in people's LJs when we haven't spoken in months or longer? Do I care if it seems weird? Not so much, really.... But be warned, you may suddenly find me jabbering away in comments on your LJs. :D

And of course...if anyone out there is still feeling that way about me, here's a great opportunity to drop me a line! :D I know the last time I did a 'tell me things!!!' anon meme, a few people mentioned a similar quandary.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind today. I hit up all my RP threads already, took care of some email, cleaned something though I forget what exactly, and sprayed for ants. Later there shall be memege!

Happy Friday, everybody!

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:35:57 GMT

This morning I decided that a sports bra and a petticoat is totally an acceptable outfit to wander around the porch, yard and shed in.

Since I got a bunch more pillows and fabrics and candles and whatnot yesterday, I decided I was ready to move my morning meditation and exercise out to the sanctuary. It was nice. It was really nice. I unhooked the partition drape so I could still see the outside and settled myself right in the center of the pile of blankets and rugs and pillows to get started.

I put the curtain back up when I was ready to exercise. Now I'm drinking some lemonade and letting myself cool down before I take a quick shower or bath. I'm going to make a pie today, I think. It feels like a pie sort of day. A chilled cream pie.

I've been really enjoying RP lately. Both my games. I seem to be keeping up my ratio of 'stable relationship' to 'fucked up crazy relationship'. ;) Speaking of, Henry needs to ask Eileen if she wants to go to Kain and Blythe's wedding with him. He's so terribly excited about all of this, it's kind of cute. Also need to get Myre up to some trouble. Maybe she can prod Rufus and see if he wants to cut a deal with her....

I had a dream I took Nathan Explosion to my high school reunion. attilatehbun kept saying I was insane bringing him, and was apparently afraid he'd end up blowing up the building. We left before that happened, I believe.

Life is good.

ETA: Also, I'm overhauling my icons. I'm tired of a bunch of them. Where do people find icons?

My Bones Are Made Of Ivory, My Blood Of The Ocean Waves...

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:41:15 GMT

But I'm feeling pretty lucky today. :D

Actually I'm just feeling normal. But normal is good these days. Normal is happy. I can't honestly remember the last time I actually got mad over something. I get faintly sad about things, but not angry. I feel a lot better overall, honestly. While my health problems aren't improving any, I feel a lot differently about them. I feel differently about everything, and it's wonderful.

I think I'm in the middle of some sort of metamorphose. A good one, clearly. My outlook on life has shifted so much recently. I've been studying eastern philosophy a great deal more recently. I've been finding myself. I've been rediscovering the beauty and joy in the world around me. I've honestly and truly stopped caring what people think of me.

I know I've said that for a long time, but I've realized the true difference between actively not caring, and legitimately not caring. It's nice to be natural. It's also nice to have a sense of freedom. Not caring about perception is, I think, the most singular sense of freedom out there. And it's so liberating and invigorating! Because once that came, then came the sense of well being and contentedness and hope. I wake up every morning feeling happy to be alive and excited about what the day might bring.

I think this is what people mean when they talk about 'finding your inner child'. As a child, the world is full of joy and wonder and possibilities. Everything is new, everything is a horizon, everything is full of potential and creativity. And then, as we grow, most of us lose that. A lot of us - myself included - try to hold on to it.

It's not as hard to recapture as I thought. I feel that sense of wonder and possibility again. Sure, some of the things I do and say probably seem really silly, even stupid, to other people...but I figure if I'm happy and healthy and well-adjusted...

What in the world does it matter if people think I'm silly?

Triumphs and Troubles Still Ahead....

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 20:15:43 GMT

I conquered the refrigerator!

I...wandered away in the middle to go to the DAV, but I got it done. I didn't start off my day with my usual pick-me-up, so I'm much more easily distracted today. But it all worked out, because I got some beautiful fabrics and pillows for the shed for just 2 dollars. I'm decorating my back area with an Indian and Tibetan theme. So far the dominant colors seem to be a very adrk gold and a dark, vibrant blue. Later on, when it's cooler, I'm going to start moving things around and better organizing out there so I can have a nice little den in back for meditation and napping and things like that.

Currently, it looks like Mr. Radio is living in the back of the shed. There's a ratty old couch, ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts, empty beer bottles, old handmade bongs, a record player and a stack of old Playboys.

And as comforting as that is in a really, really weird way, it's...not what I want for my private retreat. Plus, other people do go in there. It's where the washer and dryer are. I'm sure they're tired of mess and adult magazines.

Anyway, that's for later. The fridge was...well, it was certainly one of my most difficult tasks yet. Three large trash bags were taken from the kitchen. I had to scrape old bacon off of a shelf. I never want to do that again. But now it's clean and organized and nothing smells bad inside there. So I consider that a success.

I also hit up my threads and went grocery shopping! Which is why I'm scatterbrained and all over the place today. My folks showed up early before I'd had a chance to meditate or have breakfast or exercise. I have no focus today, alas.

Oh! And thank you to the very kind people who gave me LJ gift certificates! I'm sorry I didn't say thank you before, but I just noticed this morning when I saw my LJ balance. Request gift fic! :D

Do Not Go Quietly Into That Dark Fridge!

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:48:42 GMT

So, I'm cleaning out my fridge.

I'm maybe a quarter of the way through, and already it has occurred to me that this is not a job that should be undertaken while sober. There are certain tasks, certain rites of passage that simply demand a shot (or two or three) of liquid courage before undertaking.

Clearing the vast Frigidaire Caves of their evil and ever-more-powerful denizens is one of them. One of the top five I'm going to say. There are reaches of this monstrosity that have not seen human eyes in almost a year.

But as it's only eleven o'clock in the morning, I'm forced to journey into the abyss with all of my wits and focus about me. What about a bit of herbal help, you ask? While smoking at 11 o'clock is much different than drinking, I will not be led into that trap! To smoke then immerse oneself in a land of hostile food is to invite disaster!

So here I am, armed with rubber gloves of protection and an apron of defense tied round my nose to guard me against poisonous fumes, about to return to the horror of the vicious and mysteriously stained caverns.

Wish me luck my friends.

America - Fuck Yeah!

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 19:23:45 GMT

Happy Fourth of July to my fellow Americans!

I may gripe about a lot of things this country's government does, but I am honestly pretty happy I live in America. Despite all the bullshit and sensationalism, it's still a pretty cool place to be able to live.

And I couldn't think of a more American icon that everybody's favorite American secret agent, Brock Samson. :D

So far in celebration I have done dishes and actually gotten dressed. I haven't gotten dressed in three days, so I figure this is a pretty solid accomplishment. :D I also got some posting done! I hope to complete my posting, get some writing done, and make dessert burgers!

I'll Teaparty Through Tornadoes In the Middle of the Night

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:39:18 GMT

First up, I got this link via: thewlisian_afer and it's one of the most awesome things I've ever read:

Stoned Wallabies Make Crop Circles

The title is not misleading in the least.

Now that we've started Monday off on a good note... ;)

Yesterday was a terribly lazy day. I RPed a little and mostly just hung out in bed reading Mercedes Lackey's magic horsy books. Except for a nice little break to run around with squirt guns and screw around with an old slip-and-slide we found.

It's getting really hot.

I did manage to stay up for Robot Chicken Star Wars Special Episode II, though! And I think I hurt myself laughing. Managed to wake up at around 8:30 despite the semi-late night, saw my parents, got laundry started, took care of the plants, got some posting done... So far, a relatively productive morning.

I kind of want to go to the Square and look at used books and candy. Those are two things that make me very happy.

Wolves Ate My Brother On The Conneticut Turnpike....

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:57:24 GMT

So, I began making use of that new bookshelf today.

I just started with moving my graphic novels - Aeon Flux, Fables, some Gaiman stuff, my Gunslinger Born trad - over there. Then my books in the boxes. Then my hardcovers. Then I realized it was nothing but Stephen King so far.

So...I went with it.

And realized I lost a lot more King books than I thought I had. While I have about 26 books, I'm still missing around 20 more for a complete collection.

1. Carrie
2. Salem's Lot
3. Nightshift
4. Firestarter
5. Cujo
6. Danse Macabre
7. Roadwork
8. Different Seasons
9. Christine
10. Pet Semetary
11. The Talisman
12. Rose Madder
13. Six Stories
14. Bag of Bones
15. Storm of the Century (screenplay)
16. Black House
17. From A Buick 8
18. The Colorado Kid
19. Duma Key
20. Just After Sunset
21. Thinner
22. Faithful (hey, I'm a Boston gal and a Stephen King fan! ;D)
23. Cycle of the Werewolf
24. Secret Windows: Essays and Fiction on Writing
25. Dreamcatcher
26. Everything's Eventual

Luckily, with the plethora of used book stores in the area, I should be able to complete my collection without too much money and time. I know a handful of the ones I need are a buck at Anchor Books....

I'm finally getting around to replacing all those books I lost in that hellish disaster. I've started with replenishing my Lackey collection, my Rice collection and my Mcafferey collection. Though the latter two aren't terribly important to me anymore....

This Is Like Losing A Bet...Only I Won, Too

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:10:41 GMT

So...nijawial and I were talking a couple of weeks ago, about how The Dark Tower series is set up perfectly to cross over with anything. So Nija of course began throwing out really bizarre, out there suggestions, to try and find something that couldn't be done.

She came up with Dark Tower/Dora the Explorer.

Well...I did it. Because I wanted to win.

Roland looked down at the small girl, frowning slightly. She stared back up at him, wide eyed. Curious, but not afraid. Even with the guns at his hips, the child remained unafraid.

He didn't know what to do with her. She was far too young to be out on her own, but he couldn't afford to take her with him. What was he to do? Leave her there to die? She said that there was food in the pack she wore on her back, but what good was food against the beasts and bandits of the roads?

"Sai?" She spoke with the tones of the Mejis. It tugged at Roland's empty heart. Her dark eyes and dark skin spoke of the southern land on the sea as well. How many children just like her had he played with in that god forsaken place? Sighing, Roland crouched with his hands on his thighs.

"This is no place for a child," he said, seriously. She cocked her head and regarded him mildly. He reached out a hand to her and she took it, tiny fingers closing around his. They were dry with dust.

He would take her to a town and leave her there. She would be a street brat, but better that than dead on the side of the road. They walked along the road, the tall man in the long coat and the tiny child in the pink dress.

"What's your name?" she finally asked. "I'm Dora."

Got Myself a Mission, I'm Going to Find Heaven....

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:42:18 GMT

Wow, the new meds I'm on are absolutely amazing!

Not only do they put me in a ridiculously good mood, but I'm creative and productive. It's not even noon and already I've taken out the trash, scrubbed the counters, and done nearly all the dishes. The dishes are a big deal. We have been...lax on maintaining the sanctity of our sink.

There is a reason I refer to it as 'The Sink Monster'. Colonies of tiny life had sprung up and begun evolving. I think they were on the verge of discovering fire. Great towering mountains of placewear, caked with the remains of meals long forgotten, rose up from the murky depths. The water...for all that is holy, don't make me recount the state of the water!

But I went into battle despite the odds and powerful enemy. Armed with scrub brush, sponge and the strongest detergent we had, I attacked.

The battle was long and hard. There were casualties on both sides. My skirt suffered mysterious stains. Bits of things worked their way beneath my fingernails. Once, I think something grabbed me.

But in the end I was triumphant! All hail the conquering hero! ;)

I also posted to all my threads! And took a shower. And I can't remember the last time I was in this positive a mood. This morning, nijawial compared me to Tohru. That's never a character I've ever been associated with before....

I'm not even terribly bothered by the fact that my paid LJ account runs out in a few days. I'll just use as many icons as possible in the remaining time... ;)

And The Circus Boy Got Lonely....

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:48:09 GMT

So, epic update is epic!

I've been really, really busy lately.

Friday I went with 4 dollars of quarters in my pocket and turned it into almost 30 dollars. And not by gambling! I bought cheap library books and sold them back to Hasting's for a profit. I intend to keep doing this for extra cash. Then it was up to Goldwater Lake again for feeding the ducks. We saw our familiar friends - Angry Goose, Happy Goose, Roland Duck, Eddie Duck...who is an absolute dick about bread, we discovered. (And yes, we were careful about what bread we fed them.)

Saturday my niece came over and we headed to Tsunami on the Square. Tsunami is a giant performance arts festival. Acts included world renowned groups such as Clan Tinker, Instruments of the Now, and others. We stayed until around 9 o'clock, and had the time of our lives.

We caught the parade, we grabbed a late breakfast of crepes and coffee, and got seats just in time for the traditional Native American dance. Then it was Irish Step Dancing, where I lamented that I've forgotten everything I ever learned when I was seven. ;) N and A were there and we said hi and chatted a bit, then they were off to try and secure talent for the festival they help run.

We got lunch, I bought a stuffed Jerry Garcia doll that reeks of cannabis - which means I slept with the original Captain Trips last night ;) - and we perused the vendors. Next it was a very creative musician who combined bizarre items, traditional instruments and technology for his songs.

We spent a great deal of time and the hula hoop and poi stand. D and I played with hula hoops - it turns out I'm actually pretty good, thank you giant hips! - and Nija discovered poi! Which she's damn good at. She bought a pair, had a lesson from the really cool woman who makes them, and is impressive already! I'm considering buying a hula hoop the next time they're here. :D

And I danced in the middle of the square, shoes off and hair down in the afternoon heat, not caring. I danced with a little girl and a group of teenagers in tie-dye, we sang along, we danced in rounds and circles...

I was exhausted by the end. Then came Clan Tinker, who were one of my favorite acts of the night. They're a family who perform in a traditional Victorian manner, with all the old standards. Sword swallowing, fire throwing, juggling, tight-rope walking, tumbling... All in full costume. They got quite a round of applause!

Following that we had a gorgeous capoeira demonstration from a group that ranged from four year olds to a 55 year old domo. They were incredible. We sang Portuguese call back songs and clapped.

And then, as Instruments of the Now, the fire dance troupe was setting up, someone taps me on the shoulder and asks if he can sit next to me. We're cramped on the courthouse steps, no room at the inn whatsoever. I look up....and it's one of the Clan Tinker boys. Still in full costume. We get to talking, and he's giving me the inside information on fire dancing and the troup - how long they've been doing it, their message, who was in the original troupe and who's new, what equipment was borrowed throughout the acts...

Somehow we ended up goofing off and cuddling and discussing the Grateful Dead. He liked my Jerry plushie. ;)

By then my back was killing me and it was starting to get cold. Having no medication and no jackets, we decided to head home. There we wound down with pizza and Venture Bros, and then crashed. Heavily.

Now I'm recovering. And I've decided I want to learn fire dancing. And possibly the harp.

What's Up Sweet Thing?

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:30:35 GMT

Whoot, productive morning!

I got some dishes done, I cleaned the bathroom, I tidied up the porch table, and I took care of more trash! Also watched a lot more Weeds - I'm halfway through the second disc of the first season. Oh, and made myself an earring.

Today is going to be a 'stay at home day'. Which is fine with me, we've been pretty active over the last few days. My legs are killing me, but it's the good kind of killing me. It's sore muscle, lots of exercise tired.

We ordered a pizza and its on its way now. We're going to watch the second half of Soul Music. I wish I had Wyrd Sisters, too, but I never found that one in stores. Soul Music I snagged at Barnes and Noble and I'm glad I did. I haven't seen another copy since.

I've been in a pretty good place, emotionally and mentally, lately. I'm very much precariously balanced, but I am balanced at the moment. And that's got to count for something. I like not being a complete wreck.

I'm making tomato cheese dip later.

It's definitely a better Monday than last week! :D

The Age of Aquarius

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:27:42 GMT

Last night I:

Smoked a bowl of mint flavored tobacco out of a hookah with a guy who looked like a 21 year old Snape.

Learned about Sacred Geometry and the Life Flower from a guy named Jack who talked like Mr. Radio but looked like an elf with dreds.

Was invited to a Dream In.

Was offered absinthe.

All in all, a very...interesting night. Also watched Bottle Rocket, hilarious film from the same minds that brought us The Life Aquatic. And N and A lent me the first two seasons of Weeds! I watched the first three episodes this morning, and so far I'm enjoying it! Colored Nija's hair, wrote some bad fic, and slept like a log.

Today we're heading back down to the Square for candy and the craft fair!

Birthday Fic: Real Elves Suck

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:12:41 GMT

So, this is a very, very special birthday fic for nijawial. :D See, we have all these little jokes and crack ideas that we come up with, and a few have been requested as fics. This is one such request.

And oddly, about 80% of them involve South Park.

So Nija, this is for you. :D I hope you enjoy!

Title: Real Elves Suck
Fandoms: Halfblood Chronicles/South Park (yes, you read that right. :D)
Word Count: 2744
Rating: R for language

Warnings: Potty mouths, but not nearly as bad as you find on the actual show.

Author's Note: Kenny's dialogue in this fic is exactly like his on the show. He's actually saying real things, but they were run through an English-to-Kenny online translator. :D

Summary: If Kyle had learned one thing and one thing only, it was that Cartman's plans never worked out. Even when they did.

“Dude, Cartman, what the hell are you doing?”

An oft expressed sentiment in South Park, uttered by many - but most often, as in this particular case, uttered by Kyle Broflowski.

And with good reason. Eric Cartman - bigoted, obnoxious, sometimes violent and always scheming - was in the middle of a clearing, dancing. Kyle had seen Cartman engage in some bizarre activity before, but this was out there even for him.

Kyle had been on his way to redeem a coupon for a free ice cream sundae. He’d caught sight of Cartman sneaking off into the woods with what looked like a crown of flowers on his hat. Naturally, Kyle had been compelled to abandon his ice cream destination in favor of spying on Cartman.

Clearly, it had been well worth it.

“HEY!” Cartman froze, his eyes narrowing. “You followed me, didn’t you, you stupid Jew?!?! This is a private experiment!”

“Experiment?” Kyle was struggling not to lose himself laughing. He wished he had his video camera - this would be a perfect addition to the surprisingly large video collection of Cartman doing embarrassing things. “You’re dancing around a meadow like the world’s fattest ballerina. What the hell are you doing?”

“”NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” Cartman’s face was turning red.

“Okay, fine.” Kyle held up his hands. “That’s fine, Cartman. It doesn’t even matter what you’re doing, because when I tell everybody at school, they’re not gonna care. So you have fun Cartman.”

Kyle knew Cartman too well. He turned to walk away, secretly smiling once his back was to the other boy. He counted in his mind. One. Two. Thr…

“FUCKING JEW BASTARD! You aren’t telling anyone about this! I’ll kill you!”

Kyle turned. “Okay, Cartman. Tell me what you’re doing and I won’t tell everybody at school.” He’d just tell Stan and Kenny. And maybe Cyle, And Jimmy’d probably get a real kick out of it…

“ARGH! Fine!” Cartman pursed his lips and rolled his eyes, displeased and reluctant. He didn’t say anything for a good few minutes, but Kyle was patient.

“My mom has this book, see…” Cartman began, shifting from one foot to the other. “And it says how you can like…summon….Hey! You better not steal my idea!”

“I’m not going to steal your idea,” Kyle said, calmly. “All your ideas are stupid and fail epically. I wouldn’t take one of your ideas if you paid me to.”

Cartman’s expression - and lengthy tirade of curses and protests - were expected, and Kyle weathered them with a sort of dry boredom that was the only proper response to a Cartman tirade.

Finally, it tapered off and the rather in-equal ’discussion’ wandered back to more explanatory territory.

“So my mom has this book, right? And it tells how you can summon elves and fairies and stuff to clean your house and do your chores and shit. So I’m summoning some to be my slaves.”

Kyle was silent for a few moments. He simply stood at the edge of the clearing, staring at Cartman. It wasn’t the craziest idea that Cartman had had, not by far. It wasn’t shocking or mind-blowing or even terribly remarkable. On the scale of Remarkably Stupid Things He and His Friends Did, it was probably somewhere around a 3 or 4. And yet….

“That is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.”

Even if it wasn’t. Kyle didn’t care, he just knew what would piss off Cartman. And who was he to let a chance to do so go by?

“Screw you!” Cartman balled his fists and hopped in anger. “You’re gonna be totally jealous when I have a whole fucking army of magical creatures to do my bidding! You’re gonna be all ‘Oh Cartman, I’m so sorry I called you stupid, can your magical army do my homework for me?’ and I’ll be all ‘haha, no loser!’.”

“It’s not going to work.”

Another bit of rhetoric that Kyle didn’t entirely believe. For all he knew, it would work. But if experience had taught him anything, it was that things never worked out how they were supposed to.

Cartman was yelling and cavorting around like a madman by now, and Kyle decided it was time to go round up Stan and let him know it was probably going to be another one of Those Days.

I should probably get that ice cream now, he thought to himself as he left Cartman to his mad designs. I probably won’t get a chance to later…

***

Kyle’s ice cream was long gone, and he and Stan were at Stan’s house playing video games. After laughing about Cartman’s antics and debating the potential hilarity of staging some sort of elaborate prank, they’d mostly forgotten about it when Stan mentioned he’d been gifted with Street Fighter 5 for the XboX 360.

The boys had their priorities, after all.

They were heavily immersed in a tournament, Mountain Dew bottles forgotten beside them, bags of chips discarded on the floor in the heat of battle.

When the front door banged open, neither Stan nor Kyle took their eyes away from the screen.

“GUYS! GUYS! SERIOUSLY, GUYS!”

Both recognized the whining, wheedling, out of breath voice. And neither cared. Stan executed a special move that sent Kyle flying across the screen and landing with a painful crunch.

Then Kyle remembered his encounter with Cartman earlier that afternoon. He’d been right to get his ice cream, he realized.

“What is it, fatass?” Stan didn’t look away from the screen.

“I did it! It totally worked you guys!”

“What totally worked?” Stan asked.

“It didn’t work,” Kyle said, but now he had to admit he was at least mildly curious as to what Cartman had achieved with his forest dance recital. That Kyle still wished he’d been able to video tape.

“It totally did! I totally have magical slaves now!” For a fat kid, Cartman never seemed to be able to stop moving. Now, instead of hopping and scooting in anger, he seemed as though he were going to burst with excitement. The metaphorical image was absolutely disgusting.

“Sure you do.” Stan and Kyle exchanged A Look.

“I do! HEY! GET IN HERE!”

Kyle watched with mild, bored curiosity. He wasn’t entirely surprised when two guys that looked like they’d just stepped off the set of The Lord of the Rings walked in, looking perplexed and confused. Cartman had that effect on people.

“See!” Cartman crowed, triumphantly. “I totally called them into being with my magic!”

“Cartman, a pair of desperate out of work Renn Faire actors don’t count.” As authentic as those pointy ears and funny clothes looked, Kyle wasn’t stupid.

“Dude, seriously. That is weak guys. They totally materialized in a burst of light and everything!”

“Did not.”

“GUYS! We have been to outer space, we’ve fought giant robots, we’ve traveled through time and dimensions, we know talking shit, and YOU CAN‘T BELIEVE THAT I HAVE ELVES?”

“Huh. He’s kind of got a point, dude,” Stan said, finally putting down his video game.

Kyle reluctantly admitted to the idea that there was a chance this was on the level. A slim one, but a chance all the same. Weirder things had happened, much much weirder things.

“Okay, fine. If you really summoned magical elves, prove it.”

“I will!” Cartman grabbed the hand of the paler of the two ‘elves’ and hauled him forward. “Okay slave! Do magic!”

“….I beg your pardon?” was the only response.

“Wow, that’s totally impressive,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes.

“Guys! Just…just wait a minute!” Cartman turned to the ’elf’, hands on his hips. “Now! I summoned you and that makes you my slave and you have to respect my authorit-ay!”

Kyle supposed this was at least entertaining. Not quite as entertaining as playing Street Fighter, but still worth a few minutes of attention.

“Please, young man, I don’t know who you are or how you managed to bring my cousin and I here, but we would appreciate it if you stopped yelling at us.”

“I’ll yell if I want to! Now do some magic to prove to these assholes that you’re really elves!” Cartman’s voice was strained and screeching, and Kyle and Stan winced. And then Cartman was silent and still, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“Dude!” Stan exclaimed.

“Sweet!” Kyle said. “Dude, maybe they are really elves!”

“Are you guys magic elves?” Stan asked.

The two exchanged a glance between them, and the freakishly pale one that had shut Cartman up shrugged.

“I suppose, yes. If you would be so kind as to explain to us what’s happened…?”

“Uh…our dumbass kind-of-friend read in a book how to summon elves so he tried it and I guess he got you.” Which wasn’t anywhere near a magical army, and Kyle decided Cartman wouldn’t be able to make them do anything. Let alone serve his every whim.

“I…see.” Another look exchanged. “How did a human child acquire the power to do such a thing?”

Stan glanced at Kyle who just shrugged.

“Uh, it’s really better to just not ask stuff like that,” Stan responded. “You’ll just get a headache, trust me. Uh, I‘m Stan and this is Kyle.”

“I am V’kass Valyn el-Lord Hernalth, and this is my faithful cousin, Shadow.”

Stan and Kyle blinked. “Yeah, I think we’re just gonna call you Legolas and Frodo.”

“Dude, Frodo wasn’t an elf, he was a hobbit,” Kyle pointed out.

“So what?” Stan wasn’t terribly hung up on details. “So what do we do now?”

“Who the hell cares?” Kyle hopped off the couch. “It’s Cartman’s problem, not ours.”

“Yeah, but…how cool would it be to play Lord of the Rings with real elves?” Stan asked, his voice low. “Think about it!”

“….dude!”

“Ah, excuse me, children…we’d quite like to go home.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Kyle nodded. He didn’t have the slightest idea how to actually send them home, or where ’home’ was, but he wasn’t terribly concerned. Cartman could deal with that later.

“But there’s just one thing we have to do first…”

***

By the time the sun was setting, most of South Park’s fourth graders (plus ‘Legolas’ and ‘Frodo’) were gathered at Stark’s Pond.

“Oh no! The minions of Sauron!” Kyle, decked out in his makeshift costume, pointed across the pond to another group of 9 year olds. “Quick Legolas, use your nature magic to stop them!”

“I don’t have any nature magic!” ‘Legolas’ protested.

“Well…do something!” Kyle insisted. This really wasn’t going as awesome as they’d thought it would. Stan didn’t seem to be having much luck either.

“Use the ring Frodo, it’s the only way!”

“Do I have to put this thing on? It’s turning my finger green…”

“Dude, just put it on and then make yourself invisible!”

“I…don’t think I can do that….”

For a pair of elves - even if the shorter one kept saying he wasn’t an elf - they sucked at playing Lord of the Rings.

“TIME OUT!” Kyle called. “Look, this is really simple. We’re the Fellowship of the Ring. We’re taking the one ring to the fires of mount doom to destroy it. You’re the elf prince Legolas, you’re a master bowman and have super cool magic and you use it to help us. You’re Frodo Baggins, the brave hobbit that carries the ring. The ring makes you invisible and crap. Those guys are the people trying to stop us. Get it?”

“What’s a ‘hobbit’?”

“ARGH!” Kyle was ready to beat his head against the wall. “Just…do what we tell you, okay? It’s fun!”

And with that, they plunged back into their game. The opposing group of fourth graders had made it around the pond, and a true mock-battle was engaging. Mostly. Legolas and Frodo were still just standing around, looking like they wanted to be elsewhere.

At least until Kenny started hitting Legolas with a stick.

“Oh no, fight him off Legolas, he’s a ring-wraith!” Stan called. Kyle was busy waving a plastic battle axe at Clyde, but he kept an eye on their new playmates to make sure they finally understood the game.

“Would you please stop hitting me?” Legolas was asking Kenny.

“Mff'ppm mfmppfppppppmmm mpffmfmmfpmp ffmppffmf fmfpfm!”

“..pardon?”

“Get him, Legolas!” Kyle, Stan and a handful of others were cheering the elf on.

“Fmppffffm mmmpppmpm mpmmppmpfmppmmmfmp ppmmpp!”

There was a flash of light as Legolas extended his hands. Kenny fell back, smelling slightly burnt.

“Oh my god, they killed Kenny,” Stan said quickly and without enthusiasm.

“You bastards,” Kyle finished, knocking Clyde over.

“…” Legolas was staring at his hands.

“Dude, there’s still more ring wraiths!” Stan yelled.

“I…that little boy…” He sounded horrified. Frodo had come over to join him, looking equally horrified.

“What’s the big deal?” Kyle asked. “Just keep playing, we’re gonna have to go home for dinner soon!”

“Val…what the hell happened?”

“I don’t know! I…I didn’t mean to….”

“Dude! It happens like every day! It‘s fine.” Kyle waved his fake weapon around some more, for effect. But their two elves were now hugging and seeming ridiculously distraught. Great. Just great. This was supposed to be the best Lord of the Rings game ever, but it was starting to totally suck.

“Man, Cartman summoned the crappiest elves ever,” Stan muttered.

“Totally,” Kyle agreed.

“Plus, I think they’re gay for each other,” Stan added.

“Wanna go back home and play more Street Fighter?”

“Sounds good.”

***

Cartman was unfrozen by the time they got back. And pissed.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY ELVES?!?!” he demanded.

“I dunno.” Stan and Kyle hopped on the couch and booted up their video game. “We tried playing Lord of the Rings but they sucked so we came home.”

“DUDE! THAT IS SO NOT FAIR! THOSE WERE MY ELVES AND I WANTED TO PLAY WITH THEM!”

“Then go find them and you try and make them play,” Kyle said. “By the way, I’m pretty sure they were fairies.”

Cartman turned beat red, balled his fists and stomped his foot.

“SCREW YOU GUYS!” He yelled. “I’M GOING HOME!”

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:14:10 GMT

First things first:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, nijawial! I'm working on a super special something for you. :D

And now because I'm a sheep:

❝who do you ship me with?❞

I'm feeling a hell of a lot better today. :D

I had the weirdest dreams last night. I was at this big house part with attilatehbun and she was dating the guy she went to prom with. Apparently they were terribly serious, they had some sort of animal preserve together and they raised mythical snakes. But somehow I ended up running away with him to the snow covered mountains, to live in a tent and make wooden jewelery to sell to the reclusive natives.

Lick It, Don't Bite It!

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:26:18 GMT

So, today nijawial and I went to the square.

We hit the candy stores first, where we saw an adorable little boy being, well, adorable. Then we headed to the bookstore, and passed a bum with a guitar on a bench. He said hello, how are you, we responded favorably with 'we're doing good!' and he came back with 'that's great! I love you girls!'

Ah, it always happens. :D

We descended upon the bookstore and...well...I think we bought about half of their giant Stephen King section. Off the top of my head we grabbed: Hearts In Atlantis, Blaze, Misery, The Dead Zone, The Bachman Books, plus Nija grabbed two of The Dark Tower books to almost complete her collection, and I got some Mercedes Lackey books. I love my sparkly elves, and I am not ashamed. ;)

Then we treated ourselves to delicious Mexican food. As we're waiting for a ride home outside, a bum with a joint comes up to me and asks if I have a light. And is not at all cautious about the fact that it's clearly a joint. And after I gave him a spare pack of matches, he just lit up right then and there.

Which boggled me until Nija pointed out that I look like I just stepped out of a hippie commune, and therefor it was easily assumed that it would probably be safe to wave drugs around in front of me.

Now we are home with plenty of books, candy, and season 3 of Venture Bros. Plus, Nija's Milla wig came and it's perfect! I just need to get my Sasha wig and hit up some thrift stores, and we're set for our Psychonauts cosplay!

So today was a very much needed fun, happy, relaxing day.

Wicked Signs Will Mark Our Way....

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:53:38 GMT

I'm actually not feeling like absolute crap today! Which is surprising, since I spent a good chunk of the night sick in the bathroom. I actually cooked today! Bavarian potato pancakes with cheddar cheese! Absolutely delicious. But I made way too much batter, so later on I'm just going to fry up a bunch to freeze.

I'm thinking it may be a good idea for me to clean my room today. It's messy as all hell, and there's a bit of an...odor from puppy. :D And since she's going home either today or tomorrow, it wouldn't be a bad idea totidy up and febreeze and whatnot.

I hate slogging through all the crap on The Pit for a handful of good stories. See, I finally completely finished The Dark Tower. And...the final ending made me happier than I can express, which I realize is not the common reaction, but... In a sense, I got exactly what I wanted. So I went looking for fic. And had to go through five pages before I even found any fic that was for The Dark Tower. (I did find some good fic for other Stephen King works, though, including The Stand, Insomnia and Desperation!) And most of what I found was crap.

Sadly, one of the best written and best characterized fics I found was for a pairing that I just can't do. And I'm pretty easy and open with pairings, but Roland/Jake just doesn't sit well with me. Not even because of the age difference, or Jake's age, but just the nature of their relationship. It doesn't wander over to sexual at all for me. And while I can totally dig Roland/Eddie or Roland/Susannah, please to be remembering that they're both very difficult pairings to pull off and that there are other people in Roland's little group than just the two hooking up.

Aw crap, I think I have a new fandom....

A Small Bit of Real Life, RP, Venture Bros and Fic Babble

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:38:36 GMT

Grocery shopping accomplished!

The more tired and stressed out I am, the quicker the shopping goes. I shaved a whole half hour off today.

I really need to eat something - I haven't been eating nearly enough lately. And now I'm always tired and my head keeps hurting. I just haven't been able to keep food down at all lately. And my cough isn't going away - even with drastically reducing my smoking. So not only am I tired, hungry, cranky and sick...my nicotine levels are dangerously low.

Arizona friends! Would anyone be interested in going to see CCR with me on July 23rd? My dad doesn't want to go - he'd prefer to watch a concert on TV it turns out - but said he'd happily treat me and any friends who wanted to go. They're playing at Tim's Toyota Center, Thursday the 23 at 7. I know this is probably a long shot, but... I really don't want to go to a concert by myself.

I really need to write, but I just keep coming up empty handed. And people keep giving me such awesome ideas, but I can't seem to do anything with them. The only thing (besides my original work, which I don't like to talk about in detail) that's even semi-formed in my mind is actually a little Eddie-centric ficlet that's been rattling around the old brain for a few days. Eh, maybe I'll give it a go.

Both my fights are up at CU! I need to hop to those threads, wrap up Reno and Maria's date thread, and work on some plottings with Myre. And speaking of CU...I may end up staying up way past my bedtime tonight. If my internal AS schedule is correct, Shadowman 9: In the Cradle of Destiny is on tonight - and since I'm struggling with my RP samples for Phantom Limb, it'd be a good episode to watch again. And I don't have season 3 on DVD yet, so....

I also need to get my hands on the soundtrack, but it can only be ordered online. :/ Curse you, Astrobase Go!

I think my phone will be turned back on today? I sure as hell hope so, because N and A are coming back either today or tomorrow morning, and it's the only number they have for us.

I'm sort of tempted to go down to the DAV today and see about putting together my Sasha cosplay.

Discussion Link and a Personal Story

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 19:00:22 GMT

On Rape and Men, a discussion by cereta.

This was linked to in a couple of places on my Flist, and I'm spreading it around as well. Because it's so true.

I'm very, very lucky in that nearly every male I've known in my life has been That Guy. The one who won't take advantage, the one who will go even further and make sure a woman in a potentially bad situation is safe. I can't count how many times men I've known have been the ones making sure a girl got home safely, or was removed from a potentially dangerous situation, who call out other men on sexist attitudes, comments and actions.

And no, I never make a point to talk about it. I never bring it up, or think of it when discussing feminist or sexual violence issues with friends. But as this discussion so clearly illustrates, we need to. We need to draw attention to the times when men Did The Right Thing, because we never, ever hear about it. And as the post I've linked to says, those men are out there.

So I want to share a story, from when I was maybe 19 or 20, and still living in Boston.

I used to hang out in Harvard Square a lot. Especially on Saturday nights, for the Full Body Cast's RHPS midnight showing. I had a nice little routine. Dinner, then catching Not The Beatles, the local Beatles cover band, and then RHPS.

One night I was dancing to the band in The Pit, and this very large, very drunk and very creepy guy repeatedly came over to me and tried to touch me. Not overtly sexual, but...enough to make me extremely uncomfortable. I'd back away, or shake my head, or plain say 'no', but it did no good. I was starting to get freaked out. And then someone taps me on the shoulder from behind. I turn and see a very short, very skinny, bespectacled bald mad with an apprehensive expression on his face. He asked me if I was being bothered and I said yes. And this tiny, timid looking man - still in his nice tie from work - moved in front of me and told the large drunk man to leave me alone, I didn't want anything to do with him, and if he didn't leave me alone, he'd be calling the police.

The drunk wandered off, and the very nice man - who's name I never even learned - told me to have a good night, and if I had any more trouble he'd be right over there enjoying the music, just go get him.

There was no expectations that I needed to 'repay' him for helping me, no judgment that I 'attracted it' because I was wearing a short skirt and fishnets, nothing but a very nice middle aged man stepping up and doing a decent, nice thing.

And I've never forgotten him, despite how much time has passed since then and now. That right there says something, I think.

Well, That Turned Out Differently

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:15:30 GMT

Well, I had a whole post about my issues with Stephen King's reliance on sexual violence to make points, but the internet ate it. And I don't feel like typing it all up again.

Went grocery shopping today! Hurrah, there is food. Mostly frozen meals and soup, but those are good things right now since I'm so busy and nijawial is so sick. And I'm still not entirely recovered from Captain Trips myself. Plus, with massive cleaning and a puppy in residence, I doubt I'm going to be doing much cooking!

Speaking of...yes, we are dog-sitting N and A's puppy, Reily, while they're working a festival out in CA. We;ve got all her stuff here, including her toys and she has a couple toys that just sort of stay here anyway, but the only damn thing she seems to care about is getting me to put her sweater on her. *headdesks*

I was going through her bag and digging out the toys, and I pulled the sweater out to move it. She went nuts. She started dancing and wagging her whole hindquarters and trying to stick her head inside it. I put it away and gave her a ball, but she just kept whining and trying to dig her sweater back out.

She's sleeping now. I'll be snapping pictures later, and will probably have an epic photopost of randomness, since it's been so long since I got pictures off my camera!

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:22:14 GMT

I'm working on a story. I'm about halfway done (1454/3000) and I'm realizing....

I don't know if this is scary. It's not at all scary to me, but I think I'm an inaccurate judge. A) I'm writing it, B) I'm just so desensitized that I can't if I've hit that middle ground where it's creepy and frightening but not over the top. And I'd like someone to give it a quick once-over so far, but generally when I share a WIP I can't continue with it.

Human sacrifice, pulsing pink walls of flesh and demonic insanity are all pretty scary, right?

I mean, I'm happy with the writing and how it's shaping up, but...bah. attilatehbun, when the rough is finished, can you give it a look over for me?

On Genre Confusion, and, You Still Can't Publish Your Fan Fiction For Profit

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:10:21 GMT

I really should be writing, but....

It's the first of the month, which means part of my 'writing time' was spent visiting the websites of a collection of magazines I've either submitted to before or am considering submitting to. I like to check for theme collections, check and see if the 'plots we aren't taking' sections have been updated, or see if any special issues or collections are coming out. Themed issues especially, because those are great for me. I've found I work best with a prompt or a starting place.

Anyway, the 'things we don't want' is pretty standard in the horror genre. Plot points that are never accepted are generally gratuitous or detailed child abuse, bestiality, pornography, etc. Plot lines are things that have so saturated the genre that no one wants to see them anymore. Cannibalism, stereotypical zombies, basic serial killer story, the sympathetic werewolf, etc.

But this month there was something new I saw on at least three different websites:

"No handsome teenage vampires or teen romance".

Now at first I just sort of laughed, but then I started thinking. If three different magazines are getting enough teen romance stories to have to say 'don't send us this', there's a genre problem going on.

Vampire =/= horror. There's a reason Anne Rice is listed under Fiction, not Horror. Sure, her books are full of vampires, but they aren't horror. They're gothic romances with pretty, lusty vampires. The same goes for Twilight. Vampires, sure. Horror? No. No way in hell. I've never read a single teen or adult supernatural romance that could be considered horror.

I can only assume that people don't read the lovely summaries of these magazines. It details quite clearly that for a piece of fiction to be horror, it needs to focus on horrific, shocking, or frightening events. (I'm simplifying and paraphrasing, but I believe my Flist can identify 'horror' as opposed to 'happens to have vampires/werewolves/whatever'.) And it boggles my mind. Hell, one magazine actually has a disclaimer griping about how many people attempt to copy Stephanie Meyer's style (which boggles the mind on its own, she has a terrible writing style) or send in straight up Twilight fan fiction.

So apparently the 'trying to publish Twilight fan fiction' is not limited to the most recent 'novel' issue. Apparently there is a large number of fans who have been sending in short fan fiction for publication, enough to piss off at least one group of magazine editors to the point they have to act preemptively against it.

Now, I know there are sane Twilight fans out there. My Flist is full of them, after all! But damn it all, when I see things like this, I can't help but headdesk.

Sat, 30 May 2009 01:07:18 GMT

Things I've Accomplished Today:

1. Laundry
2. Cleaning out the kitchen pantry
3. Organizing the kitchen pantry
4. Reading
5. Writing
6. Cooking steak fajitas

I feel like I really haven't done all that much, despite the cleaning and organizing of the pantry being a huge project. I also had a fresh nectarine and a thing of light yogurt for breakfast. But we had a hellacious storm earlier, with marble sized hail. It lasted over 45 minutes and destroyed the yard. We had rain and thunder on and off for the rest of the day. It looks like it's passed by us now, but the weather channel is still calling for more thunder storms.

Mon, 25 May 2009 19:23:03 GMT

Why am I picking a PB and making icons for a character I haven't even decided if I want to play or not? I'm not even technically finished with the canon....

*headdesks*