I'll Laugh My Whole Way Through the Hurricanes and Fire

Oh hallo, LJ!

You know, people on the internet are way too quick to freak out about how random strangers may or may not be raising their children.

This comes from me catching up on It Made My Day. I haven't been online for more than a few minutes since like...last week. So today as I was getting caught up on things, I checked all my daily sites. One of my favorites is 'It Made My Day'. Little moments of win! posted by people all over. And while some of them are petty and cruel - 'hur hur, that bitch I went to HS with looks like a man now, hur hur!' - a lot of them are just plain awesome and I enjoy that. One of the things posted was the story of a little boy who, when asked about the first rule of crossing the street, responded 'don't talk about fight club!'.

To me, this is hilarious and adorable. But apparently to lots of random people, this is a clear sign of terrible parenting. Because of course a small child knowing an insanely popular quote from a very, very well known movie means that his parents regularly show him a steady diet of twisted R rated films.

I knew that the first rule of Fight Club was no talking about Fight Club for years before I ever actually saw the movie. I can't count how many times I heard it - either in direct conversation or just overhearing someone. And it's still said with crazy frequency, as though the first rule of Fight Club, like the description of Moss Eisley as a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, has just sunk into our collective subconscious. That, and 'I am Jack's ___________'. Though I know I at least don't do that out loud, just inside my head.

The world really does need to calm the hell down sometimes.

Anyway! Not much happening this week. Did some thrift storing with wirdogal and nijawial, been finally watching my VB DVDs with commentary, and hanging out with my sister. Also cleaning and decorating for Christmas! And wirdogal and I are slowly transforming the shed from 'basement smoke place' to 'mystical hut of magic and awesome'. We really need to get some pictures of our latest additions... Mainly an old school Batman comics bedspread for a door and a beautiful dream catcher blanket hung behind the couch.

Got caught in a sudden summer hail storm on the way from grocery shopping! Everything's dark and damp out now, but it's a very nice change.

Fully restocked on groceries! Huzzah! And now I'm gearing up to either organize the kitchen cupboards or start tackling the living room overhaul. Whichever I'm inspired for first, we'll see what happens. :D

I hate grinding for gold in Secret of Mana. Wryyyyy must your armor be so expensive, Neko, wrrrryyyy?

I am so tempted to take on the final dungeon in my freaking Gold City armor. Probably a bad idea...and probably why I never beat games like these. ;)

I'll get to tags and whatnot once my brain is more awake. It still thinks it should be asleep. Silly brain!

ETA: I can't believe I forgot this...

So, I generally don't use celebrities/actors for RP PBs. There's just a weird disconnect for me, where I have trouble accepting an actor as a character when I know them as an actor.

But when an actor looks just like a character, to the point where I spent the night wondering if this was on purpose - IE, character design was influence - then there's just no other option.

No, seriously. I am half-convinced that Joseph Gorden Levitt inspired Marvel's design for Cuthbert. See for yourselves:

=

That's almost creepy.

Hurrah for productivity!

And I'm going to be even more productive, I hope! I'm shoveling down breakfast before I head out on some personal errands, I've still got the porch and bathroom to work on, and tonight K and I are going to go see Ponyo!

It's all terribly exciting.

Changing your life is slow work. I've realized this is something that just needs to be expected. When entirely altering your life philosophy and world view, it's not going to happen overnight. But every day I learn and I grow in some small way, and that's absolutely amazing.

I do wish I knew the secret to completely banishing negativity. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, but it's difficult with so many negative outside influences. And I try and clear my mind and look at all these things from a different perspective, a sympathetic perspective, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes there are things that just....refuse to be examined that way. Or, when attempting to examine them from that perspective, there is much disagreement.

So these are things I'm going to be working on the hardest. Negativity effects us in every single way, from the physical to the emotional to the mental to the spiritual. And I've long since grown sick and tired of being sick and tired. :D

I am positive. I am confident. And right now, I'm pretty darn happy. :D

I'd say I certainly accomplished the whole Getting On Top of Things thing yesterday. At least most of the things I wanted to get on top of. I got most dishes done, I got a load of laundry done, I was able to spend a good chunk of the day RPing, I did some writing....

And I even spent a few hours with my sister. I sent her home with the first Dark Tower book, so I'm curious to see what she thinks.

I did the right thing, cutting back my character load at damned. I feel so much better about posting now, and I'm not worrying myself into a fit over losing touch with characters or just plain posting characters I'm not having fun with. Now that I trimmed away some dead weight, I'm having fun again. And I don't mean just the usual fun level, I mean I'm really enjoying RP like I did years ago. It's really nice.

I intro'ed Eddie at rapturereborn, and I can't wait to actually thread with him. I love writing for him, bad 80s slang and all! And he gets his gun! He's really the only character I have anywhere who both a) can use a weapon very well and b) gets to have that weapon in game! It's very exciting.

My stomach is grumbling and I have a slight headache, so I should probably eat!

Today is a day for Getting On Top of Things.

Everything, really. I'm well aware I've recently been slacking on everything, everywhere. My health and RL things just drained me, even though I swore I wasn't going to let that happen. But now I'm back in control, and already well on my way to getting back into the groove everywhere.

I did dishes. I ate. I posted all my RP characters at both my games. I have an original story halfway written. Hell, I even applied to a new RP. I just need a little more variety, and I've been dying to play Eddie. But he's not a right fit for damned, and with Phantom Limb I'm at my cap in CU. So when orenda33 posted about rapturereborn, I checked it out. And am now awaiting to hear back, so fingers crossed!

I'm going to get out the trash, clean the critter cages, clean the bathroom, hopefully finish the rough of Girl Underground, RP, maybe even play a little Okami later....

Whatever. I'm kicking my own ass into gear, and it's high time I did it. I might even be back on AIM before much longer....

I got my hair done this morning! My mother showed up and asked if I wanted to, so off I went! I chopped it all off. Instead of being a curly, waving mass of multi-colored insanity down below the middle of my back, it's a fluffy blond cloud of curls around my head. And is chin-length. I'm terribly happy with it!

I've been writing like crazy lately. This is good!

And...I can't figure out who I want for visitor shift in damned. I don't think Valyn can take another visit from daddy. I'm...considering Eileen, and having her get a visit from Henry. Because clearly she's not freaked out enough, what with going through the zombie apocalypse and getting felt up by Walter. Not necessarily in that order.

I...have an almost complete Eddie application for a friend's new game. I didn't mean to write the app, but I brushed up on some canon stuff last night and this morning it just...kind of wrote itself. O.o

It's gray and icky out today, and we had an insane thunder storm last night/this morning. I don't know when, it woke me up. We're supposed to get more rain and whatnot later today.

Well, this is a horribly random and disjointed entry! I ought to get myself some food....

Oh man, I still have so much to do today but I'm about ready for a nap already. I've been up since 7:30, and while I've gotten a godly amount accomplished, there's still miles and miles to go before I sleep.

I've looked up some raw food recipes, and I think this will be my first attempt at something other than a fruit salad or veggie plate:

Spiced Cranberry Sauce

2 cups cranberries
1 orange, juiced
1 orange, cut into pieces
peel from 1/4 of an orange, finely grated.
3-4 tbsp. raw honey or raisin syrup
allspice to taste

1) Put all ingredients into a food processor and process to a sauce consistency.

Very simple, I know, but I'm just starting out here! :D For breakfast I had a big hunk of watermelon, and for an early lunch I had a PB&J made with organic peanut butter and tart cherry preserves. It was delicious. I'm going to be making a fancy rice pudding later on today, after I've scrubbed the pots and reorganized the cabinet.

Someday I'll get to my bedroom.

Well, since it looks like I won't be able to do the big, very well paying modeling job - this not having my car thing is seriously killing me - I've decided to pimp my housekeeping services out to the neighborhood. I'm going to draft up some flyers, charge insanely low, and post them around the neighborhood. Here's hoping!

Hopefully I can also get to the thrift stores and the library and get books to sell back for cash.

I think I need a new bottle of sleeping pills. :/ I lost mine, and my hallucinations started up again last night. Not terribly strong or anything, but enough to freak me out a small bit. I saw a man in my bedroom, crawling along my floor. My poor brain snapped awake immediately, recognizing those key signs that tell me I'm dreaming while still awake, but it was definitely unpleasant.

My Japanese eggplants are coming in wonderfully, though! And while it was touch and go for a bit with my sage, it's sprung to life this week. I'm going to have to transplant it again soon!

I think I'm going to defrost my cornish game hen and cook it tonight for dinner. I've got an ear of corn left, and some salad fixings. T'would be a good dinner. :D

This morning I decided that a sports bra and a petticoat is totally an acceptable outfit to wander around the porch, yard and shed in.

Since I got a bunch more pillows and fabrics and candles and whatnot yesterday, I decided I was ready to move my morning meditation and exercise out to the sanctuary. It was nice. It was really nice. I unhooked the partition drape so I could still see the outside and settled myself right in the center of the pile of blankets and rugs and pillows to get started.

I put the curtain back up when I was ready to exercise. Now I'm drinking some lemonade and letting myself cool down before I take a quick shower or bath. I'm going to make a pie today, I think. It feels like a pie sort of day. A chilled cream pie.

I've been really enjoying RP lately. Both my games. I seem to be keeping up my ratio of 'stable relationship' to 'fucked up crazy relationship'. ;) Speaking of, Henry needs to ask Eileen if she wants to go to Kain and Blythe's wedding with him. He's so terribly excited about all of this, it's kind of cute. Also need to get Myre up to some trouble. Maybe she can prod Rufus and see if he wants to cut a deal with her....

I had a dream I took Nathan Explosion to my high school reunion. attilatehbun kept saying I was insane bringing him, and was apparently afraid he'd end up blowing up the building. We left before that happened, I believe.

Life is good.

ETA: Also, I'm overhauling my icons. I'm tired of a bunch of them. Where do people find icons?

But I'm feeling pretty lucky today. :D

Actually I'm just feeling normal. But normal is good these days. Normal is happy. I can't honestly remember the last time I actually got mad over something. I get faintly sad about things, but not angry. I feel a lot better overall, honestly. While my health problems aren't improving any, I feel a lot differently about them. I feel differently about everything, and it's wonderful.

I think I'm in the middle of some sort of metamorphose. A good one, clearly. My outlook on life has shifted so much recently. I've been studying eastern philosophy a great deal more recently. I've been finding myself. I've been rediscovering the beauty and joy in the world around me. I've honestly and truly stopped caring what people think of me.

I know I've said that for a long time, but I've realized the true difference between actively not caring, and legitimately not caring. It's nice to be natural. It's also nice to have a sense of freedom. Not caring about perception is, I think, the most singular sense of freedom out there. And it's so liberating and invigorating! Because once that came, then came the sense of well being and contentedness and hope. I wake up every morning feeling happy to be alive and excited about what the day might bring.

I think this is what people mean when they talk about 'finding your inner child'. As a child, the world is full of joy and wonder and possibilities. Everything is new, everything is a horizon, everything is full of potential and creativity. And then, as we grow, most of us lose that. A lot of us - myself included - try to hold on to it.

It's not as hard to recapture as I thought. I feel that sense of wonder and possibility again. Sure, some of the things I do and say probably seem really silly, even stupid, to other people...but I figure if I'm happy and healthy and well-adjusted...

What in the world does it matter if people think I'm silly?

I conquered the refrigerator!

I...wandered away in the middle to go to the DAV, but I got it done. I didn't start off my day with my usual pick-me-up, so I'm much more easily distracted today. But it all worked out, because I got some beautiful fabrics and pillows for the shed for just 2 dollars. I'm decorating my back area with an Indian and Tibetan theme. So far the dominant colors seem to be a very adrk gold and a dark, vibrant blue. Later on, when it's cooler, I'm going to start moving things around and better organizing out there so I can have a nice little den in back for meditation and napping and things like that.

Currently, it looks like Mr. Radio is living in the back of the shed. There's a ratty old couch, ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts, empty beer bottles, old handmade bongs, a record player and a stack of old Playboys.

And as comforting as that is in a really, really weird way, it's...not what I want for my private retreat. Plus, other people do go in there. It's where the washer and dryer are. I'm sure they're tired of mess and adult magazines.

Anyway, that's for later. The fridge was...well, it was certainly one of my most difficult tasks yet. Three large trash bags were taken from the kitchen. I had to scrape old bacon off of a shelf. I never want to do that again. But now it's clean and organized and nothing smells bad inside there. So I consider that a success.

I also hit up my threads and went grocery shopping! Which is why I'm scatterbrained and all over the place today. My folks showed up early before I'd had a chance to meditate or have breakfast or exercise. I have no focus today, alas.

Oh! And thank you to the very kind people who gave me LJ gift certificates! I'm sorry I didn't say thank you before, but I just noticed this morning when I saw my LJ balance. Request gift fic! :D

First up, I got this link via: thewlisian_afer and it's one of the most awesome things I've ever read:

Stoned Wallabies Make Crop Circles

The title is not misleading in the least.

Now that we've started Monday off on a good note... ;)

Yesterday was a terribly lazy day. I RPed a little and mostly just hung out in bed reading Mercedes Lackey's magic horsy books. Except for a nice little break to run around with squirt guns and screw around with an old slip-and-slide we found.

It's getting really hot.

I did manage to stay up for Robot Chicken Star Wars Special Episode II, though! And I think I hurt myself laughing. Managed to wake up at around 8:30 despite the semi-late night, saw my parents, got laundry started, took care of the plants, got some posting done... So far, a relatively productive morning.

I kind of want to go to the Square and look at used books and candy. Those are two things that make me very happy.

Wow, the new meds I'm on are absolutely amazing!

Not only do they put me in a ridiculously good mood, but I'm creative and productive. It's not even noon and already I've taken out the trash, scrubbed the counters, and done nearly all the dishes. The dishes are a big deal. We have been...lax on maintaining the sanctity of our sink.

There is a reason I refer to it as 'The Sink Monster'. Colonies of tiny life had sprung up and begun evolving. I think they were on the verge of discovering fire. Great towering mountains of placewear, caked with the remains of meals long forgotten, rose up from the murky depths. The water...for all that is holy, don't make me recount the state of the water!

But I went into battle despite the odds and powerful enemy. Armed with scrub brush, sponge and the strongest detergent we had, I attacked.

The battle was long and hard. There were casualties on both sides. My skirt suffered mysterious stains. Bits of things worked their way beneath my fingernails. Once, I think something grabbed me.

But in the end I was triumphant! All hail the conquering hero! ;)

I also posted to all my threads! And took a shower. And I can't remember the last time I was in this positive a mood. This morning, nijawial compared me to Tohru. That's never a character I've ever been associated with before....

I'm not even terribly bothered by the fact that my paid LJ account runs out in a few days. I'll just use as many icons as possible in the remaining time... ;)

Last night I:

Smoked a bowl of mint flavored tobacco out of a hookah with a guy who looked like a 21 year old Snape.

Learned about Sacred Geometry and the Life Flower from a guy named Jack who talked like Mr. Radio but looked like an elf with dreds.

Was invited to a Dream In.

Was offered absinthe.

All in all, a very...interesting night. Also watched Bottle Rocket, hilarious film from the same minds that brought us The Life Aquatic. And N and A lent me the first two seasons of Weeds! I watched the first three episodes this morning, and so far I'm enjoying it! Colored Nija's hair, wrote some bad fic, and slept like a log.

Today we're heading back down to the Square for candy and the craft fair!

So, today nijawial and I went to the square.

We hit the candy stores first, where we saw an adorable little boy being, well, adorable. Then we headed to the bookstore, and passed a bum with a guitar on a bench. He said hello, how are you, we responded favorably with 'we're doing good!' and he came back with 'that's great! I love you girls!'

Ah, it always happens. :D

We descended upon the bookstore and...well...I think we bought about half of their giant Stephen King section. Off the top of my head we grabbed: Hearts In Atlantis, Blaze, Misery, The Dead Zone, The Bachman Books, plus Nija grabbed two of The Dark Tower books to almost complete her collection, and I got some Mercedes Lackey books. I love my sparkly elves, and I am not ashamed. ;)

Then we treated ourselves to delicious Mexican food. As we're waiting for a ride home outside, a bum with a joint comes up to me and asks if I have a light. And is not at all cautious about the fact that it's clearly a joint. And after I gave him a spare pack of matches, he just lit up right then and there.

Which boggled me until Nija pointed out that I look like I just stepped out of a hippie commune, and therefor it was easily assumed that it would probably be safe to wave drugs around in front of me.

Now we are home with plenty of books, candy, and season 3 of Venture Bros. Plus, Nija's Milla wig came and it's perfect! I just need to get my Sasha wig and hit up some thrift stores, and we're set for our Psychonauts cosplay!

So today was a very much needed fun, happy, relaxing day.

I'm actually not feeling like absolute crap today! Which is surprising, since I spent a good chunk of the night sick in the bathroom. I actually cooked today! Bavarian potato pancakes with cheddar cheese! Absolutely delicious. But I made way too much batter, so later on I'm just going to fry up a bunch to freeze.

I'm thinking it may be a good idea for me to clean my room today. It's messy as all hell, and there's a bit of an...odor from puppy. :D And since she's going home either today or tomorrow, it wouldn't be a bad idea totidy up and febreeze and whatnot.

I hate slogging through all the crap on The Pit for a handful of good stories. See, I finally completely finished The Dark Tower. And...the final ending made me happier than I can express, which I realize is not the common reaction, but... In a sense, I got exactly what I wanted. So I went looking for fic. And had to go through five pages before I even found any fic that was for The Dark Tower. (I did find some good fic for other Stephen King works, though, including The Stand, Insomnia and Desperation!) And most of what I found was crap.

Sadly, one of the best written and best characterized fics I found was for a pairing that I just can't do. And I'm pretty easy and open with pairings, but Roland/Jake just doesn't sit well with me. Not even because of the age difference, or Jake's age, but just the nature of their relationship. It doesn't wander over to sexual at all for me. And while I can totally dig Roland/Eddie or Roland/Susannah, please to be remembering that they're both very difficult pairings to pull off and that there are other people in Roland's little group than just the two hooking up.

Aw crap, I think I have a new fandom....

Grocery shopping accomplished!

The more tired and stressed out I am, the quicker the shopping goes. I shaved a whole half hour off today.

I really need to eat something - I haven't been eating nearly enough lately. And now I'm always tired and my head keeps hurting. I just haven't been able to keep food down at all lately. And my cough isn't going away - even with drastically reducing my smoking. So not only am I tired, hungry, cranky and sick...my nicotine levels are dangerously low.

Arizona friends! Would anyone be interested in going to see CCR with me on July 23rd? My dad doesn't want to go - he'd prefer to watch a concert on TV it turns out - but said he'd happily treat me and any friends who wanted to go. They're playing at Tim's Toyota Center, Thursday the 23 at 7. I know this is probably a long shot, but... I really don't want to go to a concert by myself.

I really need to write, but I just keep coming up empty handed. And people keep giving me such awesome ideas, but I can't seem to do anything with them. The only thing (besides my original work, which I don't like to talk about in detail) that's even semi-formed in my mind is actually a little Eddie-centric ficlet that's been rattling around the old brain for a few days. Eh, maybe I'll give it a go.

Both my fights are up at CU! I need to hop to those threads, wrap up Reno and Maria's date thread, and work on some plottings with Myre. And speaking of CU...I may end up staying up way past my bedtime tonight. If my internal AS schedule is correct, Shadowman 9: In the Cradle of Destiny is on tonight - and since I'm struggling with my RP samples for Phantom Limb, it'd be a good episode to watch again. And I don't have season 3 on DVD yet, so....

I also need to get my hands on the soundtrack, but it can only be ordered online. :/ Curse you, Astrobase Go!

I think my phone will be turned back on today? I sure as hell hope so, because N and A are coming back either today or tomorrow morning, and it's the only number they have for us.

I'm sort of tempted to go down to the DAV today and see about putting together my Sasha cosplay.

Well, I had a whole post about my issues with Stephen King's reliance on sexual violence to make points, but the internet ate it. And I don't feel like typing it all up again.

Went grocery shopping today! Hurrah, there is food. Mostly frozen meals and soup, but those are good things right now since I'm so busy and nijawial is so sick. And I'm still not entirely recovered from Captain Trips myself. Plus, with massive cleaning and a puppy in residence, I doubt I'm going to be doing much cooking!

Speaking of...yes, we are dog-sitting N and A's puppy, Reily, while they're working a festival out in CA. We;ve got all her stuff here, including her toys and she has a couple toys that just sort of stay here anyway, but the only damn thing she seems to care about is getting me to put her sweater on her. *headdesks*

I was going through her bag and digging out the toys, and I pulled the sweater out to move it. She went nuts. She started dancing and wagging her whole hindquarters and trying to stick her head inside it. I put it away and gave her a ball, but she just kept whining and trying to dig her sweater back out.

She's sleeping now. I'll be snapping pictures later, and will probably have an epic photopost of randomness, since it's been so long since I got pictures off my camera!

Holy crap, temperatures of 55 degrees! It's been in the 90s lately. It's cold and it won't stop raining, so needless to say I'm in pain.

Watched Hair last night. I'd seen it, nijawial hadn't, so we rented and watched. That movie never fails to effect me. It's just a well done film where everything comes together right. I'm actually sort of glad we ended up with that instead of Jesus Christ Super Star. I've been craving psych rock musicals and operas lately.

Tonight, I believe we're going to go see Star Trek! I'm terribly excited. I've heard nothing but good things from everyone, and what little snitches I've heard have me wriggling in my seat to go see this movie.

I've decided that my recent lack of fic writing has just been fandom boredom. Not that I'm leaving any of my current fandoms, it's just that currently I've written everything for them that I want to write. Season 4 of VB isn't out yet, and other than my epic, I've exhausted all the little plots I wanted to play around with. I still haven't finished Homecoming, so I'm stuck between-canons for Silent Hill. HBC...well, I've wandered into bizarre crossovers and AUs that shouldn't be shared with the general public. Let's just leave it at that.

I go for weeks without being able to write much of anything, and then once I turn to new fandoms I'm banging them out like usual. And the sheer fact that I wrote Across the Universe fic says something of just how starved for new fandom experiences I am. I don't even actually like the movie, I just like the music and the characters.

My parents brought me corn on the cob and artichoke today. That makes me happy. :D

So, I'm being very avoidant of LJ and stuffs today. Why? I went out for pizza with summoneddestiny and enigmablade last night, and taped the Criminal Minds finale. Yes, as in on a VHS. I'm always terribly behind the technology thing. Hell, until moving in with Nija I neve even had a DVD player. Just used the PS2. Anyway, I plan on watching it today but I want to avoid spoilers.

Yesterday I mostly just vegged and RPed. My hip's still bugging me, but I just can't get to a chiropractor to ease some things out yet. Luckily once I can, we have some amazing chiropractors in the area.

Nija brought me home a copy of Lisey's Story last night! Hardcover that was on clearance. I'm reading 'A Familiar Dragon' by Daniel Hood right now, but I'm so tempted to say 'mm, get back to it later!' and devour Lisey's Story again. It's simply one of the most beautiful, haunting, moving pieces of fiction I've ever read.

I got that Mercedes Lackey CD today. Not that good one, where the music is 'inspired by' her stuff. No, the one with lyrics she wrote herself.

I made it about 16 seconds into one song before I had to turn it off. Further investigation will be carried out at a later date.

My strawberries are turning red!

I'm in the mood for a good horror movie today.