A few people know how damn difficult it's been for me actually write L and Naomi actually having sex, despite many, many attempts. I first started trying to smut them about a year ago, and it's taken me this long to actually manage to write a full on penetrative sex scene between the two of them. L just...doesn't lend himself well to sex scenes. And I honestly didn't expect this to have actual sex when I started...um...way back when. But I remembered I'd started prompts 3 and 4, and needed to post something for 30_lemons, so decided to see which I could finish while I waited for my laundry to dry. And here's what came of it. :D
Title: We Are The Normal
Fandom: Death Note
Word Count: 2,718
Author's Note: Written for 30_lemons, challenge #4 'The Thrill of the Forbidden'
Summary: Naomi can't separate the legend from the man it surrounds - even in bed.
There was something not right.
Naomi bit her lower lip, her back arched, black hair spread out on the pillow beneath her head. Her eyes were closed. But she didn’t need her eyes, not now. Not when she could feel everything- the damp sheets beneath her naked back, the beads of perspiration rolling down her forehead, the smooth skin beneath her hands, awkward, spider-like fingers moving over her breast and between her legs….
It wasn’t right, to lay here, gasping and panting for breath, naked skin pressed to naked skin. Not with him.
He wasn’t supposed to be a normal man. He wasn’t a normal man. He was something else, something above the common populace. At least he was in her eyes. He always had been, since her days as a young trainee. The great L, greater than any man, shrouded in mystery and legend. Never seen, never heard, hidden away like some sort of phantom….
And now she lay with him in bed, wincing occasionally as his unskilled fingers pressed too hard or slipped uncomfortably.
This was L. Her idol, her employer. Even in the years they’d worked together, she still saw him as though he were on some higher plane than she was. He was cold and reserved, even when teasing her as he was wont to do. He kept himself hidden away, always in his room, always working, those pale gray eyes seeing nothing but his cases. Sometimes they looked at her, and sometimes she thought she saw a form of warmth in them, but….
And beyond all that, or perhaps added to it, there was an acute pressure in the bed they were sharing.
He had never been with a woman before. Never wanted to be with anyone, never caring about things like sex and relationships. Those things had no place in L’s world, and Naomi had always felt that was somehow fitting.
But he wanted her. He wanted to be with her, was ready to let down a brick in the wall she had never imagined anyone could penetrate.
She couldn’t do this.
Naomi turned her head away, her hands leaving L’s back to push him gently off of her. He moved, without a word, and settled in beside her, watching her. God, even now, his eyes were mild and curious, sizing her up.
Naomi sat up, legs tucked close to her body, reaching for a blanket to cover herself.
“I can’t do this,” she managed, hanging her head. Her body still wanted it, aching, wet, still feeling the ghostly touches of L’s fingers.
“What is wrong?” No accusations or anger in his voice.
“I just…” Naomi shook her head. “You’re my boss. You’re…it’s not right. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You seemed flattered when I first expressed my interest.” Still emotionless.
“I was. And I am. But…”
“You expressed interest in return. While I admit to having little practical experience in these matters, it’s my understanding that physical intimacy is the eventual outcome when two people admit to mutual attraction and emotional attachment.”
Naomi almost laughed. Only L could be so logical and blunt in regards to something as delicate and complicated as human intimacy.
And the truth was Naomi was interested. How couldn’t she be, working so closely with him for so long now? She’d seen those fleeting glimpses no one else had, seen the glimpses of the man behind the legend.
And that was the problem. It was one or the other, not both. And L could never be anything but both.
“I’m sorry,” she finally managed.
“I see.” L lay back, folding his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. “I would have appreciated you mentioning this earlier in the evening.”
“I didn’t think we were going to end up like this.”
“I was clear in my intentions.”
“All you said was that you’d be coming by my room tonight, so we could spend some time together away from the case.”
“I assumed you knew what I meant. You’re an intelligent woman.”
“You know, intelligence doesn’t really factor into these kinds of things, Ryuzaki.” She raked her hair back, falling back against the pillows herself. “You can’t…treat this like you treat everything else. You can’t use logic and statistics and…and textbooks! There aren’t any preset patterns or profiles for relationships. Especially when it comes to you! I‘m not…a case for you to work on.” And then everything came out, as Naomi gathered more steam. “What happens after this? What happens after we sleep together? Is that it, or do you want something else? And what the hell do you want anyway? You say you’re ‘interested’, but I don’t even know what that means, coming from you! You don’t tell me anything. You don’t open up or give me any indication what’s going on in that weird little head of yours! What am I supposed to think?”
L was quiet for a moment, and Naomi realized he was just proving her point. His placid expression and body language gave no hint as to what he was thinking.
“While there is a 40% chance you’re attempting to ‘break up with me’, and a 50% chance you hope that this outburst will somehow cause me to change my behavior, I’m inclined to believe that you’re simply lashing out because you’re emotional.”
“Of course I’m emotional,” Naomi grumbled.
“Yes. You are. You always have been. It irritates me at times, you know.”
“Because telling me I irritate you is really helping your case here,” Naomi snapped. To her surprise, L smiled. Just a small curving of his lips, but enough.
“You are unpredictable. I…enjoy that.” He cocked his head. “Though I can’t say that I enjoy it at the moment.”
“Yeah, yeah, I picked of a hell of a time to decide we needed to talk.” Naomi sighed. She honestly didn’t know what she wanted, either. She did want L, and she knew if he were to change, he wouldn’t be L anymore. But god did it frustrate her. “You irritate the hell out of me too, you know.”
“Yes. I know.”
And that was that, Naomi supposed. They got under each other’s skins. They teased and annoyed each other, pushed each other and pushed back harder, half the time just because neither would back down, and each needed to have the last word. She cared about him, and she knew in his own way, he cared about her. He couldn’t show it the way she was used to, but he showed it in his little ways. Maybe that was enough. Maybe the man and the legend were one and the same, and she could have both.
“Look… I’m just having some trouble with all of this,” she finally said. “It’s been a long time since I even went on a date. And this is going to change things….”
“It already has. But as we are both rational adults who have already dealt with our emotional involvement, I fail to see what further effect sleeping together will have on our relationship.”
“It’s simply sex. Enjoyable, yes, intimate, certainly, but nothing monumental. Or do you have a history of complications arising from sex?”
“What? No!” Naomi rolled her eyes. “But I don’t have any sort of history with anyone like you. I…you have to realize that for most of my career, you were…some sort of ideal. Not just some guy. It’s hard to think of you as…just a guy.”
“Naomi, biologically speaking, there is nothing that differentiates me from any other man. And I believe at this point you are intimately aware of that fact. Regardless of what you thought of me before we began working together, I am human and subject to the same biological urges and needs of anyone else.”
“So are monks and priests, but you don’t get into bed with them.”
“I am neither a monk nor a priest,” L pointed out, and there was a small hint of surprised confusion in his voice. “And I can’t think of anything I may have said or done to give you that impression.”
“No, that’s not it. It was just an example. I know you’re a…person.” She couldn’t say ‘normal’, because regardless of biology, L wasn’t normal . “But I’ve always thought of you as being…just above normal people things. And you are completely focused on just one incorporeal thing. Priests devote their lives to gods, you devote yours to justice.”
“My interests are not purely incorporeal. Mostly, yes, but not entirely. And I believe that we are going to come to no conclusions by repeating the same discussion over again. And as I cannot decipher what it is you intend to do at the moment, whether I get dressed and return to work or not is in your hands at the moment.”
It was, Naomi realized, probably one of the longest conversations they’d ever had that didn’t involve work. She rolled over, laying on her side to face L. What it came down to, she realized, was that this was him. This was all he had to offer her. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, and maybe it wasn’t what she’d imagined, but it was what it was.
And maybe that would be enough.
“I’m pretty sure I killed the mood,” she said, reaching out to run her hand through L’s tangled hair.
“Not entirely.” And before she could speak again, they were kissing, and the blanket fell away, and Naomi found her legs tangled with L’s, his hands on her back, pulling her close, their noses bumping together as he struggled to find the proper angle to kiss side by side.
Naomi still had her doubts, but she pushed them away. It was hard to have true doubts when the hard evidence of L’s desire was pressed against her thigh, and he was kissing her neck and moving clumsily against her. She let her hands go back to his back, running her palms over the smooth, slender muscles of his shoulders.
It was easy enough to recapture the mood - though it was evident in the way L thrust awkwardly against her the moment they began kissing that it had never really faded for him, the only normal thing about their encounter. He was eager and earnest, all hands and lips and occasionally teeth. It was almost like being back in college, and fumbling around on the dorm beds, excited and nervous and without any experience.
In a way, it was sweet. And in a way it was provocative. That eager, youthful exuberance that colored every move L made. Before long she was on her back again, L kissing her breasts and feeling between her legs and she was reaching haphazardly into her nightstand drawer. Her fingers finally closed around the plastic edge of a condom package.
“On your back,” Naomi urged, pushing herself up and urging L to lie down. His expression almost caused her to laugh, a mixture of concentration and curiosity. But he did as she urged, settling down on the damp sheets and watching her. His gaze was intent as always, but it moved over her body. It was a man looking at a woman.
Naomi kissed him, leaning over him provocatively. Better she take the lead now, then put him in a position where his inexperience would be obvious. She knew how he felt about showing any signs of inefficiency.
Besides, doubts pushed away and forgotten now, she wanted him to enjoy this - and wanted to enjoy the effect she had on him. It was empowering - as well as humbling and frightening - to know she had the ability to cause this reaction in him.
Straddling L’s hips, Naomi tore the condom wrapper open with her teeth. She stretched, kissing down Ls chest, feeling him tense and twitch underneath her. Here and now, with the way his hips arched subtly upwards and the whiteness of his knuckles as he gripped the sheets, there was no argument that he was a man like any other man.
Naomi unrolled the condom onto him, slowly, remembering how long it had been since she was with anyone. She brought her hips forward, holding L’s erection gently as she slid down onto him.
Hands twined together, Naomi moved her hips, head tipped back and lips parted. And then L was sitting up, holding her in his lap, kissing her, moving in an ungainly rhythm at times with her at times against her.
She knew he would never tell her how he felt, never give her romantic words or impassioned proclamations of love, but the way he held her when they made love, the way he whispered ’Naomi’ in her ear as he climaxed moments into the act itself was more than enough for the moment.
And maybe it would be enough in the long run.